I’ve been in the midst of a very difficult situation and I didn’t want it to infiltrate into my public journal, so I haven’t written in awhile. Recently, I’ve asked myself about how much I care to reveal in this journal page and who reads it anyway? There are so many out there that who has the time to be reading about what someone ate for lunch. Even words of wisdom, given like a dose of medicine have side effects.
Everyone is begging to be seen and heard, and to find a place in the world. I can’t say that I’m exempt from this. I’ve been asking myself how I can best serve for years. I wrongly assumed that I could fulfill this quest easier in the States than in Italy, which was one of the reasons I returned here, seven years ago. But in my twelve-year absence this country had changed, and finding an open door wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be.
Even so, I am grateful for everything. All situations, encounters and events offer an opportunity for self-inquiry, to go deeper within and to discover resources within oneself that you didn’t know existed, or that were sensed, but you were unable to access before.
What you find is often not what was imagined. Nor does success correspond to societies idea of it. I once heard an interview on the radio with the composer, Phillip Glass. The interviewer asked him, “Well, Phillip, what did you think before you were successful?” He responded by saying “No, no, my work has always been successful.” Since hearing this, I have held this idea like a higher truth.
Despite dealing with difficulties, I have been inspired. Artists know, though others may not, that inspiration is not a given you can count on to work with on a daily basis. It can’t be forced and comes of its own accord. More than anything, for me, it is a wonderful feeling, because in this state the clock has no hands, and even insomnia is a welcomed invitation to return to my work.
The following collages are some of what I have done in these last few days. They are entitled, “Prescienza 6 & 8”
Posted by Barbara at August 2, 2003 02:59 PM