Sometimes words carry unknown powers, or hold mysteries that although intuited aren’t completely understood. Years ago, someone wrote to me “Ti aspetto,” which means, I’ll wait for you. Since then, when people say that to me in Italian, an exhilarating sensation washes over me. It only happens in Italian, however, perhaps because when my friend said that to me in 1978 I was planning my second return trip to Italy. Little did I know that what was then to follow, or what was waiting for me was a world that would become mine.
When people used to ask me why I chose to live in Roma I would respond that Roma chose me. You might say that this is true for every place that one chooses to live, since each place has something quite unique to offer and learn from, but I have not felt that in the other places that I have lived. When I went to live in Roma in 1983 I had the intention of staying a year or maximum two. The first year, however, I had the feeling that my psyche was floating outside of my body and I knew I had to stay on if I was to go away feeling satisfied. Then, the second year I was just beginning to get my feet wet, and Roma herself (Roma is definitely a feminine entity) asked me to stay, so I decided to accept her invitation and stay on another year until I lost track of time and it made no sense to leave.
Why did I leave? Whatever I thought I was leaving for then, in retrospect I think that it was ultimately to be here for my mother at the end of her life. And I’m not sorry for that because it gave us the opportunity to heal what was difficult between us, which wouldn’t have been possible if I was not present.
This morning the sun pouring through my 5 southern, happy windows woke me with that “ti aspetto” sensation. Perhaps I feel good because yesterday an artist friend came to my studio for the first time and really appreciated and understood my work. It always means a lot to me when another, serious artist responds to my work. And even more because his work is very different from mine. Or maybe what I felt was that simple sense of joy one feels in those between spaces of waiting for things to happen, like the old saying goes, “it’s not about the destination but it’s the journey that counts.” This was a message from a new person I am having the pleasure to work with, who gives the right ingredients to work: intuition, enthusiasm, attention and joy.
with gratitude,
Barbara